Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
