Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
