You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
