So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
