Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
