my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
