LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need a beard to bite.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
