I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
