the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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