Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
