Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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