Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize