I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
