I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
