I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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