I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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