Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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