I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
