singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
