My liver just broke up with me...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
