omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
