i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
