I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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