im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
