She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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