happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think people are normalizing furries
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
