There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
