Kiss
Puke
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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