Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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