I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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