the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did you just send me my own nude
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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