he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
