i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
