This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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