I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
