I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
