this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
