Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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