So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize