I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
