i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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