Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
