Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
