I cannot find my penis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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