apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
