yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We left an ass print on the piano.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
