im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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