Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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