I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
