I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
