I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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