I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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