i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
