i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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