He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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