I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
