I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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