Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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