You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
