I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
