he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
