Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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