What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
