So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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