you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
