I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
