Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drake has all the answers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
