just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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