guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
