Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
